Emotions......

Had wanted to log on to 'talk' about this girl who's been sticking around me recently, but situations do occur, so we'll talk about her some other days.

One of my colleagues is leaving today.... We are the only few young ones in the company. Came to office today feeling very normal, but now a bit emotional. Just received a present from her abt 5 mins ago. Don't know what's inside yet. It was after reading the card that I feel strange, more like sadness. Indeed, I have not found my place in the company yet. Other than chasing back a couple of thousand of dollars from debtors, maintaining some invoice records, and being the so-called IT technician, I'm still quite lost in the company now. She wish I'll find my place and reason in the company soon..... I think I know my reason already, but the place is still missing.

Why did I throw aside my 5 years of banking and finance training, coming here to work, when I used to have this aspiration to become a top banker? What is a degree holder doing at a job that pays less than being a bus driver? What happened to the years of economics theories and financial advices that he had accumulated over the years? He sees the problems of the company, but he could do nothing. There's no channel to voice out his opinons, so he can only keep them within himself, and occasionally grumble it out to his parents and a few unfortunate others. He could leave the company easily and pursue the dream that he had left behind, but he did not...

All these...... for he have memories of how the company was built up, for why the company was named with its name, for all the hard work that has been put in by the workers over the many years, for those who have contributed to the company in one way or another, for the great customers who have supported the company for so many years, for the huge potential that the company has but has been largely undermined, and for his grandpa, who built the business single-handedly from nothing, really nothing, through sheer hard work and brains. He will not let the company stay on the delta as it has been for so long, he wants it back to those days when the company was climbing the steep slope. But he has lost his way, pulled back by the things around him, discouraged by the system.... but he believes that one day, he'll be back on his feet again, the only problem is he doesn't know when...... hopefully soon.

torn again?

Shucks....... think I torn my knee cartilage again. Been walking around these few days with a clicking feel in my left knee, just like how it felt before I went for surgery. Don't know how it became like this, did the doctor pull too hard during my last consultation? All I know was my leg became very sore the day after the consultation last week, and when the pain went away, the clicking feel was in my knee already. I'm bearing with it at the moment, do not wish to go through the agony of all the check-ups again. Hope it will recover by itself, but I'm not sure if it will. Probably will take a long time and lots of rest(which I do not have). Trying to walk very carefully nowadays to prevent further damage, so I'm kinda strolling all the time. Doesn't look good when people around me are working so busily, but I can't help it, I don't want to risk my knee. I guess that if this goes on, I'll probably go through another surgery within the next 5 years, either knee replacement or what. A 26-years-old man with a knee of a 62-years-old man, terrible....... Can't imagine the day when I need to carry someone, be it being sweet to my other half or in case of an emergency. Don't think my knee can take it. Bless my knee......

shock!!!! mini shock..........

AH!!!!!!! 0_0 Just bought medicine costing $268.40!!!! Can't believe it when the nurse first told me the price, got a shock, especially when I'm getting it from the pharmacy at TTSH prescribed by the doctor. 1st time buying such expensive medicine....... can imagine how much more expensive they are if I were to get them from outside pharmacy. That's an average of $1.50 per day, not considering much really, but thinking of how I got to this stage where I need to eat all this supplements(stupid NS), it's really stupid.

Oops, it's 4.30pm liao, off work loh, haha, came in to while away a few minutes before getting off work. Cya!

losing interest?

Past few weeks haven't been feeling well, not that I'm feeling well now, but at least a bit better. Finding work life getting monotonous, wisdom that I've acquire from books and lecturers gone to waste, letting one of my poly lecturers down as he seems to have expect me to accomplish much..... and my late grandma......
Why am I still sticking onto a job with low pay, low recognition, with 'superiors' who do not listen to the workers who are doing the hands on, and like to employ the service of some consultants who will in turn question the workers who are doing the hands on. Wouldn't it be more logical to consult the employees directly? Does it really have to go through those consultants who does not really do anything but talk? Maybe boss find their words nicer to the ears? Coz they are 'professionals' who take thousands away from him each time, so making their words more valuable, while words from us, the cheap labours, are cheap too. Why is this boss hiring us to do the accounts and other admin stuffs when he himself is going through every nitty bitty grit? He could have done everything himself if he is so free to check everything. It would save him thousands of dollar every month. And perhaps with this few thousands that he save, he should go and take some accounting courses instead of accusing that his workers are doing the wrong things.
And what have I achieve in this 1 year? Not much, only keeping records of sales which will be used only when we check our accounts, digging out some old files and 'chasing' some customers for some money which have been owed for up to 5 years, the daily and monthly counting cash....... hmm anything else? Not quite the challenge when I was thinking of going into the world of stocks & derivatives. It was such a challenge during my poly days when we were playing the market. We had to maintain our concentration on the monitor for any price changes and any errors could cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars. Wherelse here, many times I have to find things to keep myself busy, updating some files, plotting some graphs to see trends(don't blame me, I'm an analyst by training), and when there's really nothing for me to do, I'll be playing some online games. Where on earth can you find a job that allows you to play games online during office hours?
Sometimes really feel like leaving this place and find something more challenging. But for a vision that I'm holding, I'll be sticking around, I'm no quitter when the going gets tough(in this case boring) . Ha, back to the houseflies catching game for now. Till I get more motivation. That's all for my grumbling now, thanks for listening in.